Culture Clash

Anyone else with a tendency for writing would have blogged ceaselessly had they lived the month I just lived.  Midway through my one year assignment in Cambodia, I traveled home to Australia and New Zealand to visit family and friends, visiting two major Australian cities, the Australian outback and various locations around the south island of New Zealand.  From a desert in bloom to towering snow topped mountains, a hillside harbour view villa to a waterfront city condominium, any decent travel blogger would have spent a month writing fervently.  Two road trips, shopping, scenic walks, soaking in hot pools, sipping wine and dining out were all on the agenda.  Where once Australia and New Zealand were ordinary places that I called home, they are now strikingly special places that I call home with a sense of awe at my fortune.

Nevertheless that is as much as I am inclined to write about my holiday, which would rank as the “trip of a lifetime” for many, because I have now had about 15 hours back in Cambodia, catalyst to my writing impulses.  Friends and family at home express problems such as waiting for an expensive dress to go on sale before being able to afford to try it on; needing to work full time to pay the mortgage and whether to stay in the current job or look at other options.  There are always other options.  The main topics of conversation at home revolve around issues that sit at this comfortable level of lifestyle in a robust and functional economy.  I couldn’t see three friends whilst home because one family were road tripping interstate; another were holidaying in Singapore and a NZ friend was on a long weekend in Brisbane.

In contrast, when I ask my Cambodian contacts if they have traveled, most admit to never having ventured beyond their small hometown and almost noone has been to an airport let alone on an aeroplane.  Finding the next meal is the focus of millions.  This is an observable phenomenon everywhere in Phnom Penh if you understand what you are witnessing as you travel the bustling roads past street vendors, hawk-eyed tuk tuk and motodup drivers, trolley-pulling scavengers, disabled beggars and more.  Most wealthy world witnesses, speaking from my own experience, actually don’t comprehend this fact, rather seeing the sights as intriguing and exotic.

With the contribution of many, including two considerably large donations, it appears that enough funds are going to be raised for 20 year old Sokum to have the heart surgery that should save her life.  Had I not traveled home when I did, this would likely have never happened.  Asking for money (my most loathed pursuit), even in a case of the life or death of a young person, is an almost guaranteed flop when you do so from afar, eg via online communication.  Speaking to people in person has a slightly better strike rate although it is an excruciatingly awkward activity which I feel risks friendships.  Many are already giving generously to their own causes and “my” cause does not ever have to be anyone else’s cause.  Yet it is an interesting phenomenon because while it’s so difficult to engage people in something such as Sokum’s fundraiser, the challenge is trying to connect people to the cause as I know that if people met her, they would give generously.  Those who do engage get an extraordinary amount of joy from the experience.  An example is my friend’s teenage daughter who wrote to say that she had decided to forego her 16th birthday present in favour of sending the money to me “for Cambodia”.  My friend wrote last week to say “She has also inspired some of her netball team and they want to donate as well“!

Last week I informed Sokum’s husband (the only English speaker, who has been actively pursuing all limited avenues to raise the money) that we look to be able to meet their target amount.  It has not happened yet, but we have surpassed the halfway mark and have enough pledges on promise to bring us to the mark.  He thanked me immediately and asked when I was coming home to Cambodia.  A few hours later he informed me that they were bringing his wife to Phnom Penh on 25th September, to meet the doctors.  After a 14 hour day of travel yesterday, this morning I was woken by his call that “we are at the hospital now“.  I dragged myself out of bed and called my days-off tuk tuk guy before walking to three different ATM machines to withdraw the money already received (which can only be withdrawn in $400 amounts).  Passing one of our two workday tuk tuks, I stopped for a quick chat and gave him the Sydney Australia t-shirt I bought for him, before heading across town to the hospital.

At the hospital I fell in love.  Yet again.  The most gentle, humble, smiling, beautiful young couple, with her equally charming mother, were sitting in a stuffy waiting room, waiting to see a cardiologist who would be available sometime after 2pm.  The hospital is privately funded by a multitude of NGO partners, aiming to serve Cambodia’s poorest with quality care that is otherwise unavailable to the population due to the lack of resources and regulations within the government’s seriously under-funded Ministry of Health.  In a sea of deficit there are occasional islands of hope, and while not coming anywhere near the quality we take for granted in the wealthy world, this seems to be one of them.  Nevertheless, cardiac surgery does not come free and with no health insurance of any kind in Cambodia, the only way for this to happen is via a user-pays system.  Sokum’s husband explained that the surgery is offered to them here at half the cost it would otherwise be.  Still an inaccessible amount when you earn $100 per month.

After about an hour sitting together, talking about Sokum’s health, writing “Rheumatic Heart Disease” on a scrap of paper for them to ask the doctor if this is her diagnosis, photographing the medical information they had with them to send to a cardiologist in Australia who offered to assist if possible, answering questions about life in Australia and New Zealand and why I am in Cambodia, talking about her husband’s job and looking without success, for their tiny remote village on Google Maps, I left them with the funds received so far.  Our farewell included promises to stay in touch and it seemed she will likely have surgery sometime later this week, but so far I haven’t heard the outcome of today’s consultation.

During our time together they informed me at least three times that “you can be our grandmother”.  So now, at 48 years old, I find myself grandmother to adults in their 20s?  It was spoken with such a tone of respect that I knew we were having a culture clash and that I was being granted some sort of honour, rather than being labelled an old hag!  En route home we approached the corner of our street and there was my tuk tuk friend perched on his moto with no customers but looking very Australian in his new t-shirt.

After an outstanding holiday at home, the best day of my month off work was, of course, Day One back here in Cambodia.

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Unconnected Connections

Fundraising for the 20yo woman with (probable?) Rheumatic Heart Disease needing urgent heart surgery continues.  A friend asked me to prepare a Powerpoint presentation for a fundraiser she is organising and I thought I would share it here as it summarises some of the stories I’ve spoken about disjointedly.

Story One: An Inconceivable Connection

In May 2014 I met a 25 year old Islamic woman from a rural village in Cambodia who had been told she had terminal cancer.  Surgeons in Cambodia operated twice to remove the “cancer” from her abdomen, first forming a colostomy as they removed some bowel.  The diagnosis came purely from the doctors opening her abdomen to investigate the pain she had been experiencing since pregnancy with her now-8yo son.  They based their diagnosis on what they could see – inflamed lymph nodes in her abdomen.  There were no resources to take a biopsy or other investigations which would give a proper diagnosis.

Surgical practices are basic at best and often dangerous without good equipment.  When her pain persisted, they performed a second operation which damaged her bowel, causing a second opening on her abdominal wall to form (a fistula).  She now oozed faeces from two sites on her abdomen.  This caused acidic burning of her skin and she was unable to absorb food so she became severely malnourished.  Doctors finally told her she should go home to die.  A short time later she developed a chronic cough and was diagnosed with lung TB.

Although it was thought she was dying, her TB needed to be treated for public health reasons.  Constant abdominal pain, oozing faeces which burned her skin and severe malnutrition were her main physical problems when she was admitted to the MSF program I was working on, with drug resistant TB.  We were unable to find any muscle mass to inject the second-line TB drugs when she was admitted to us, and she was unable to stand up without assistance.  She weighed 20kg.

After a few weeks on the right TB medications her cough eased and her abdominal pains ceased and I was sure that she had abdominal TB rather than cancer but there was no way of confirming this.  She continued to ask us if we thought she was going to die and we had no way of knowing the medical answer to this question.  She stayed in hospital for two months before we discharged her home.

My nurse team visited her at least once a month and I visited her either with them or at weekends, multiple times but I was at a loss to help in any meaningful way.  She needed colostomy bags and protective dressings but they were unavailable in Cambodia.  When I came home to NZ and Australia  I tried to source them but they were expensive and I was not able to supply more than a few weeks’ worth, so I did not supply them.  She had to wipe the openings with tissue or gauze many times during the day and night.  All I could really offer was a little financial help to the family for food, school fees and gauze, and some emotional support.

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Waiting to die from surgical complications related to undiagnosed mesenteric tuberculosis (2015), photograph courtesy El Pais newspaper who visited the MSF TB project

Her other problem was the debt her family had accrued trying to find a diagnosis and treatment for her.  They sold their house.  Her father had moved to Malaysia where he could earn a slightly better income selling food at a street stall.  Her grandfather had taken a loan out with his house as collateral.  Her younger brother, a very eager student, had been told once he turned 15yo that he would have to leave school and was thinking of moving to Thailand to work on unregulated fishing boats.  They were financially desperate.  Her mother stayed at home to nurse her daughter’s wounds and care for her 4yo son.  They were living in an extended family home in crowded conditions.  Laundry is done in the nearby Mekong and I was constantly astounded that the open, oozing wounds, had not become infected.  This was testament to the family’s extreme care.

In June 2015, a year after I met “Paula”, I was on holiday with an American friend in Provence in the south of France.  She invited me to a lunch at a beautiful medieval homestead with some wealthy Americans at an exclusive cooking class.  During conversation some of the Americans were very interested in Cambodia and asked me to explain what I meant when I used the word “poverty”.  I tried to explain Paula’s situation and the health care system.  I described her sitting on her death bed in a wooden hut beside the Mekong as we sat at this lush table with so much more than we needed.

Three American women sitting opposite me were on holiday together.  They were especially interested and one of them cried as I told Paula’s story.  Another asked me so many questions that I thought she must be a doctor or a nurse.  But she eventually told me that her husband is one of America’s leading gastro-intestinal surgeons and he would be fascinated by Paula’s story and would want to treat her himself!  When I explained that this was a nice idea but completely impossible, she assured me that it was perfectly possible.  She and her husband sat on the hospital board and could influence them to agree to a charity case for free surgery.  Someone else at the table was so inspired that she offered to pay for all other costs if the medical costs could be covered.

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A very memorable lunch

I returned to Cambodia almost immediately, cutting my European holiday short to organise a million details including passports, American visas, air travel for a critically unwell passenger.  She fainted at the photograph store when we took her for her passport photographs; fainted between the tuk tuk and hotel a number of times; fainted twice inside the American Embassy in Phnom Penh during her visa interview.  My life from July 2015 until early October 2015 was filled with taking this dying woman to various appointments and helping her fall to the floor as we challenged her to travel and walk distances she was not in any position to tolerate.

In October 2015 I travelled with her, her mother and a Cambodian nurse who acted as our translator, from Phnom Penh to Seattle.  A local Imam met us at the airport and drove us directly to the hospital.  En route, with the skyline of Seattle ahead of us in the distance, I heard her speaking Arabic to him from the front passenger seat.  Some time later he informed me that she had said to him “I can die now, because look at the experience I have had”!  She was admitted to the surgical ward and immediately began receiving the type of health care that we in New Zealand take for granted.  Within days her nutrition had improved and within two weeks she was deemed nourished enough to undergo surgery.

During our first 24 hours I found myself responsible, as the only native English speaker, for finding Halal food for her and her mother, which was quite a feat in a wealthy inner city area of one of America’s most prosperous cities.  After some time searching the streets I found a Vietnamese restaurant and ordered takeaway.  When I arrived back at our hospital room, a group of Islamic people were visiting.  They approached me eagerly to ask “are you the Australian doctor who brought her here for surgery?”.  Errr… no?  “Yes you are, it’s you who did this for our sister!”.  From that moment for the following two week stay, I was overwhelmed with attention from dozens if not more than 100 Cham people, mostly refugees from Pol Pot’s Cambodia in the 1970s, who have a strong community.  I never went looking for food again, as we were inundated with home cooking multiple times per day.  I was invited to stay at a family’s home where dozens of Cham Cambodians came for dinner to meet us.  The next morning the teenage son of our host family found a shoe box, cut a hole in the lid, taped the lid to the box and said he was taking it to mosque to raise money for Paula’s family.  He returned a few hours later with US$3,000.  The money was given to me and I was told “you must tell them what to do with it”.  I carried it back to Cambodia and gave it to grandad, who took it on the back of Paula’s sister’s motorbike, straight to the debtor, at my request and with me following in Chom’s tuk tuk!

Within two weeks of our arrival in USA an eight hour operation rejoined Paula’s bowel and closed her wounds.  She remained in America for five months to recover and to cut a very long story short, this is a photograph of her at home in Cambodia taken last week <not shared online to protect her privacy>.  She remains impoverished but she can care for her son and she works, selling homemade rice cakes from outside her house.

Story Two: A Fishy Connection

In February 2017 after more than a year away I returned to Cambodia and am now working on a project with Medecins Sans Frontieres, based in Phnom Penh.  The rich-poor divide in the city is visible and extreme.  The poor have few options and I can probably count the list of their choices for income on ten fingers.  One of them is to run a mobile “restaurant” from a trolley on a bicycle, cycling the streets hoping to find someone who will buy your fried banana.

Inequality in a pic

Searching the streets for recyclable tin, plastic, paper and cardboard is another common income generator and you see very young children and very elderly people pulling trolleys through the streets, as well as parents with children in the trolley with their collection of rubbish.

Phnom Penh Scenes 01

Last year when I came home to visit I landed in Christchurch at midnight with no way of making my way home to Mum until my uncle insisted on driving the almost three hours one-way to collect me and taxi me home in the middle of the night.  This uncle fishes off the shores of New Zealand’s picturesque South Island almost daily.  He took me out in his boat to pull up some craypots, and we swam in the open ocean in wet suits.  He dons goggles and swims with a long spear, catching butterfish.  He has regular close encounters with fur seals and dolphins and has even been up close and personal with Orca.  He refused to accept anything from me in thanks and so I promised that I would fix a fishing boat in Cambodia on his behalf.

Across Cambodia and in a particular location near Phnom Penh there are many landless communities of Islamic Cham people who live on boats or, when the river water is low enough, build makeshift shacks with any material they can find, on the riverbank.  A friend of mine volunteers with an organisation who work with one such community of about 500 people, ensuring the children have birth certificates, pay the school fees for families who fit their criteria (agree to keep their children in school and not make them work on the boats), work with families in need of health care etc.

For at least part of the year the community live on their boats as the riverbank disappears underneath the rising waters during Wet Season.  In April this year a particularly strong storm swept through Phnom Penh.  Even from my fifth floor apartment with it’s double glazed windows I could hear the torrential rain and winds.  That night one family’s boat sank to the bottom of the Mekong leaving them without their only source of income – access to fish which both feeds their family and gives them something to sell.   When I told the organisation a few weeks after this storm, that I had a donation to use on repairing a boat, this was the family they identified.

The family bought a new boat and when I visited about eight weeks later, it was upside down on the riverbank being waterproofed.  They told me via a translator that “we do not know how to thank you, there is no way to tell you how much thanks we have for your help”.  I also learned on that visit that they could not live on their boat as they had no roof for it.  The parents and two youngest children were sleeping in a tiny shack, two other children with a neighbour on their boat, and two children in a land based shack with another neighbour.  The wrong (cheaper) roof could potentially pull the boat over in strong winds and they could not afford a better roof.  When I asked how much a decent roof would cost they showed me a roof that was for sale at a boat nearby, for $60.  We funded this roof for them immediately.

046 Cham Visit

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The $60 (unaffordable) roof for sale, in front of the neighbour’s boat.  The neighbour has a newer roof (on the boat behind), hence the older roof for sale.  This “quality” roof can last for about ten years.  The family are able to live together again on their little boat.

Story Three: The Rheumatic Connection

Or so I think.  It could be another disease, but it’s most likely Rheumatic Heart Disease, a condition of poverty which occurs at very high rates in impoverished populations, including Central Australia’s indigenous communities.

Last month a friend told me about Sokum, a 20 year old woman dying from heart failure.  She could live if she could access the cardiac surgery that would treat her condition, but cannot afford the $6,000 needed.

Her family have no way of raising the funds to pay for her surgery and an American student working with Sokum’s husband started a fundraiser to help them.  So far we have raised just over US$3,000 but donations are drying up.

The family went into debt to organise a cardiologist review some months ago, and were told that she will be too unwell for surgery if they wait too long but without the money for hospitalisation costs, they have no choice but to watch her fade away.  Without access to her cardiologist I can only guess that her most likely diagnosis is Rheumatic Heart Disease, which is common in populations living in poverty.

When I asked her husband to say something for fundraising purposes in New Zealand here’s what he wrote:

My wife’s name Sokum and 20 Years old.

Before her parents take her go to meet traditional doctor but she is not better and then my parents continue to take her go to public district health hospital a doctor said that lung failure. The doctor provided a lot of medicine but feel not well more serious ill so, my parents continue to take her go to referral provincial the doctor said that can not treatment here need to send Phnom Penh city. In the Calemet health hospital doctor asked her about situation and check with x’ray so the doctor tell her truth about heart problem.  need to make surgery very soon.

Before we don’t know but when we were to Calemet hospital and know about her heart problem 1 year.

Now she doesn’t work because too sick of her. She stay at home right now can’t do hard work and can’t eat with salt food.

Before she is works at factory worker 3 years and during work with factory she working hard to find money to support the family.

Thank you helen
If you have more question please feel free let me know.

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I should be in a position to provide an update on this fundraiser in a week or two.  Things are moving slowly but surely and Sokum had a cardiologist appointment in Phnom Penh today.  Some incredibly generous gestures have been made on her behalf which I look forward to speaking about once everything falls into place.  All donations continue to be warmly welcomed, either through Go Fund Me or by contacting me directly.

Update on Being Twenty

Yesterday I received this message from Sokum’s husband. It’s not a good medical description of her condition but it’s an excellent description of what she and her family are experiencing right now and of why I’m hoping along with them that the money for her surgery can somehow be raised in time. Anyone touched by this with any small amount to give can donate at the GoFundMe page Here  or contact me privately for other options.

 

I’m good, Sokum very thin and often sick because she eat a little bit and take medicine more than eat. The blood of her body difficult to control that’s make her often sick and heart unusual very fast that’s cause make her tired.

Doctor said that can’t waiting to much time if keep a long time will dangerous and can’t treatment.

So, my family and me trying to working hard to find money to support for surgery that’s sooner.

We will do surgery for her in early October. Surgery will organize at Calemet Health Hospital in Phnom Penh City, Cambodia.

Best thanks and gratitude to you helen and your team very working hard to support us. ❤

We hope to see and to say something with you when you come back to Cambodia..💑

See you soon❤

Mirroring Me

It’s essential that in life, you see yourself reflected in other peoples’ stories….”  (Oprah Winfrey)

Oprah is talking about her need, as a little black girl in America, to find people who “kinda looked like me”, at a time when there were no black people in high profile public roles to model for her, who she could be and what her potential was.  Her quote is important for those growing up and living without the privileges that others of us take for granted.  I’ve often had this thought for indigenous children in Central Australia who learn from birth in many subtle but intense ways, that they are less worthy than others in their community.  Yet Oprah’s quote is equally and conversely relevant for those of us living with often-unseen privilege.  To see ourselves in that little black girl, or in any number of others with a different identity, perpetuates our own humanity and potential.

The difference between my networks in New Zealand, Australia and other wealthy countries and my networks in Cambodia, is a disparity that is difficult to articulate.  When Cambodians talk about their aspirations, their focus is more likely to relate to more basic facets of life.  Physiological experiences such as hunger and shelter are not uncommon topics of conversation.  In contrast, my New Zealand friends are much more likely to aspire towards a winter trip to the ski slopes, an overseas holiday or wondering about their next career move.  At no time in more than twenty years of nursing in England and Australia, did a patient ever claim to have gone hungry to pay for a medical appointment.  Last week when I was informed via translation by a patient’s wife, that “we sold everything including our rice, and contacted all of our relatives to source the money so that we could pay for the transportation to attend our appointment”, it was a commonplace Cambodian anecdote.

It is so hard to raise money for people who have no money.  When you look at GoFundMe, there are funeral, memorial and animal medical funds which have raised many thousands of dollars for causes that are human and animal, dead and alive, in the wealthy world.  I wonder at the comparison with the $1,000 so far raised with great difficulty for Sokum, a 20yo young woman who will die without the heart surgery she needs but cannot access without private funds of US$6,000.  I remember being 20yo very well, living a productive and happy life in London on the other side of the world from my home.  I was safe and secure, had I needed health care it was available to me, my potential was unexceptional and being realised as I assumed it would and should be.  Yet I now appreciate that it was pure fluke of birth, that at the age of twenty this was my experience.  It is equally pure chance that this 20 year old, who could just as easily have been me, will die because the equivalent of the funds I spent getting myself to London at her age, are unavailable for her survival.

There is still hope that we will raise enough money for Sokum in time.  Some very kind people are involved in helping with fundraisers but it seems a long way to go with limited time due to her deteriorating health.  Some have expressed that they don’t want to donate through GoFundMe, and we are happy to receive the money privately as well (contact me directly for options).  Anything donated will go directly to Sokum and all donors will receive a personal acknowledgement and progress report(s).  The below photographs are shared with Sokum’s permission.  I think they show well, that you don’t have to give a big donation to make a big difference.

The family home

The family kitchen

Sokum and her husband at home earlier this week